Jesmond’s February Astronomy Club

Dear reader. You will ABSORB these words of JESMOND.  The second in a regular slot of episodes*
Thank you.
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FEBRUARY

Hello. I am JESMOND.
Welcome to the second of my monthly witterings on all things to do with PLANETS and STARS and stuff like that
THIS is February’s edition of Astronomy Club. Well, January lived up to expectation. I spent most evenings wearing most of my winter wardrobe while loitering on a hill above my town binoculars at the ready in the vain hope the cloud cover would part and I might get to see some of these “Wonders” Prof Cocks keeps wistfully promising us we will see. Gaze in to the distance my friend, January was freezing.
One thing I did see that did impress me was this great big white disk. It was pretty bright and had the habit of shrinking in size the higher it got in to the sky. Sometimes it would change colour. Usually from a pinky orange to boring white.
Another thing it did which caused me great consternation was it did have a tendency to change shape.

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Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I was looking at the same thing from night to night. Through the binoculars I noted that there were holes in it. This led me to the conclusion that it may be a flat object though I could be wrong.There were a few nights in the month when I didn’t see this disk. This vexed me greatly.
Here is a moving and GRACEFUL video commentary of this disturbing EVENT:
When it returned, I danced for joy. Well, I shuffled about. It’s hard to move very gracefully in wellies, two coats, four jumpers, several pairs of socks and three pairs of trousers. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Astronomy, but some of the romance has gone for me, especially with the clothing.

Back next month, I feel an overwhelming urge to weep gently in the corner.

Jesmond’s January Astronomy Club

Dear reader. You will ABSORB these words of JESMOND.  The first in a regular slot of episodes*
Thank you.
Image

JANUARY

Hello. I am JESMOND.
Welcome to the first of my monthly witterings on all things to do with PLANETS and STARS and nothing to do with Chickens… Well maybe…
Well we start as years have a habit of doing, with January. The first thing you notice when practicing the humble art of Astronomy is that without a decent pair of gloves (not wool, because that makes me cry), your hands become withered frozen stumps and drop off leaving you unable to hold binoculars and that simply won’t do. Alternatives include a healthy amount of what is commonly known as Gaffa tape, your own head and binoculars. This doth chafe the eye sockets somewhat after a while, but stick with it.
Now, recent events in the night sky have included the visitation of a big ice cube that had been considerably pimped up to be the main event of these winter months. Sadly this ice cube wandered off course and promptly clipped that big firey ball we’re all told not to look at directly. I did find this slightly disappointing, mostly on behalf of the ice cube. Some brave soul [insert appropriate deity depending on historical circumstances], centuries ago, reached into their freezer, took this one special ice cube out and flung it in to the sky. Since then it’s been trundling around space only to end up falling to bits when it reaches our neighbourhood.
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Figure 1. Note proximity of ice cube to large thing
Rather typical really. It seems most of the interesting Astronomical occurrences that the sky provides are hampered either by the atmosphere hanging over our soggy little island or by that glowing wotsit at the center of our Solar gubbins. Take for example, the periodic gravel showers that are supposed to entertain us insomniacs. Hands up who has ever seen more than two specks of gravel bouncing off our planet?!?!
Ok, that’s enough from me for this month. I need to have a lie down.
*for as long as he can be ARSED